Lucky

It’s draft season in the NBA. In the wake of the Cleveland Cavaliers’ historic championship win, NBA teams all across the nation are scrambling to make deals for huge trades, promising rookies, and the hottest free agents available. Already the NBA has been shaken up by Golden State’s signing of former Oklahoma player Kevin Durant and Dwayne Wade’s departure from the Miami Heat to join the Chicago Bulls. However, one deal that could potentially eclipse both of those is the LA Lakers’ signing of point guard Lucky Glauber. At a press conference yesterday afternoon, Lucky told reporters to Wake up. “It’s too early for bedtime! We outweigh nuclear arms!” said an excited Lucky. Then as if looking ahead to the finals, Lucky taunted Lebron and the Cavs. “Yo Lebron! Are you really the number one?” Lucky’s remarks indicate that he has serious championship aspirations this year, and won’t hesitate to step on toes to get to them. He ended his press conference with an open challenge to any team seeking to stand against him and the Lakers: “Golden State, Miami Heat, San Antonio, NESTS, Team Fatal Fury and the rest of ya’ll can challenge me anytime!”

Although Lucky was a former professional baller, his record, or even what team he originally played for, was unknown by most fans of the sport. However, his actual claim to fame was participating in the 1994 King of the Fighter’s Tournament alongside his friends former pro-boxer Heavy-D and football player Brian Battler, forming Team USA. The team made a fairly impressive showing in the first round, defeating team Korea, which consisted of an overweight guy with a ball and chain, Takewondo master Kim Kaphwan, and what could only be described as a midget Freddy Kruger with sunglasses. Unfortunately their progress was bought to a halt in a second round, with a crushing defeat by Team China, a group that consisted of a Japanese pop star, a plucky Asian kid, and a elderly alcoholic. The three weren’t seen again in the tournament, although reports consistently surface of the three being brutally assaulted and having their invitations stolen. Hopefully Lucky will have more luck in the NBA than in the KOF tournament Get the facts. Basketball fans are no doubt chomping at the bit to see him go up against Lebron James, Stephen Curry, Paul George, James Harden, and the rest of the NBA’s biggest stars. That is if Ash Crimson doesn’t beat him up and steal his contract first.