We’ve got your first look at the next generation Nintendo system rumoured to be showed off at E3! All the ridiculous rumours you’ve heard are true! The motion controller will indeed feature an HD screen, despite the fact that the recently released 3DS had a totally shitty low rez screen.

In keeping with the tradition established with the 3DS Nintendo brings us a 3D solution without glasses once again! Because of the way the 3DS technology only worked on a very small screen Nintendo was required to use great innovation to create 3D on a normal TV without the need of glasses. The answer was simple! Coloured contacts! By using a red contact in the left eye and a blue contact in the right eye, the tint, combined with groundbreaking mid 19th century anaglyph technology, creates the illusion of 3D!

Girl Putting in Wii2 Contact Lenses

We can only assume that the Wii2 or 3Wii as it’s been called by some, will support all the greatest 3D Hollywood movies displayed in crystal clarity in the groundbreaking 400×240 WVGA resolution that this system is said to be able to produce with as of yet unannounced state of the art 1990s graphics card technology. Movies and games will be available on flash cartridges or downloaded to the Wii2′s on board 2 GB hard drive.

Disclaimer: If it wasn’t already obvious, this is 100% made up.