Maximum Letdown: Bikini Karate Babes (PC)

Remember back in the 90s after Mortal Kombat? Like any good gaming movement, developers and publishers sought to imitate MK. If it wasn’t the gruesome fatalities, it was the digitized graphics, and in many cases, it was both. Often times however, the characters would look ridiculous and the gameplay would suck. Who could forget ‘classics’ such as Way of the Warrior, Survival Arts, and Shadow: War of Succession? Well, Creative Edge Studio’s Bikini Karate Babes brings back those good old days. While the eye candy is only slightly more attractive than those great games of the past, the game control is the definition of clunky and unresponsive.

The game seems like a solid package on the surface. There are several play modes to fight through, you have access to 9 babes with more as hidden unlockables, and everyone is in bikinis! Of course, when you actually play the game, that’s when things fall apart. Attacks are slow to pull off, and the animations are so canned that you wonder if you are even controlling them at all. For instance, when I pressed down to duck as Isis (the black lady), she went into a yoga pose in which involved pulling her leg over her head, all the time being vulnerable to the other fighter’s attacks. Along with your standard punches, kicks, fireballs, and the occasional move that involves either ripping off your top or your opponent’s (there’s no nudity as it’s covered up in some fashion), you also have access to some grab/grope move that’s supposed to imply some kind of physical molesting or humiliation.

CES claimed that this game’s purpose was to be a satire on how fighting games feature scantily clad females and men wearing full armor. However, what are the shitty controls supposed to be a satire on? Also, when so many of the moves involve groping and stretching, it tends to become apparent what the game’s real purpose is, and that’s something I can’t talk about on this website. According to the game’s developers, the game sold reasonably well enough to warrant a sequel (although I would like to see what would constitute as reasonably well for a game with miserable mainstream coverage, mostly negative reviews, and poor marketing), which will apparently feature full 3D environments and improved play control. With the proper improvements, this game can be on the level of BMX XXX. If CES puches real hard, it could be on the level of Onechanbara or Rumble Roses!