Crank is highly entertaining and offensive!

The ratings system here in Canada differs from that in the states and it takes a lot more to get yourself an R rating then it would down south. Mainly if there’s a sliver of nudity in a movie State side you’re pretty much guaranteed to get an R while the violence is more likely to get by. And I understand and respect that because a tit isn’t going to make kids go out and screw like crazy. Crank’s another story.

This movie got an “A” rating which means you have to be 14 to see it unless you’re with an adult in which case they could bring their 8 years old. And how they do! I still remember the time the mother and her 6 and 8 year old child made it all the way to the abortion joke in South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut before leaving. The onus is on the parents to decide what they want their kids to watch. Unfortunately the parents don’t know what the hell’s going on.

This movie is, simply put, the most offensive movie I’ve ever seen. It makes fun of black people, Jamaicans, Somalians, whites, Asians, Latinos, Muslims, gays, women and pretty much any group they thought of. A running joke of the movie is the main character verbally berating the vilains saying that he’s a “fag” and having sex with his brother. Women are nothing but objects and stereotypes. Amy Smart is his idiotic piece of ass girlfriend who he has sex with in public a number of times. Other women in the movie are the excessive number of prostitutes made to do extremely kinky things for both heroes and vilains as well as a number of Asian sterotypes mainly the Japanese schoolgirls and old Asian ladies.

The sexual content is the kind of thing that makes parents monitor their children’s Internet history. Very graphic sex and nudity mainly shown in strip clubs or from prostitutues whipping people or even women on display in glass bubbles for men’s entertainment. This isn’t background nudity or sex between two people in love. This is dirty violent borderline rape sex in public situations at it’s best. Violence was over the top with people getting shot in the face, being used as human sheilds and having their body parts cut off and then used as props.

The drug use I think was the worst part. While most movies make an effort to make the drug use consequential or centered around vilain characters they made no such attempt. From casual references to pot, on screen cocaine, a reference to something feeling good because there was meth put in there and even a character that is almost talking to the audience when he says you can get tweaked on nasal spray.

So why does it bother me? It didn’t. It was a good movie. I like that movies like this get made in this world of PG-13 horror flicks. I just couldn’t believe how many 8 to 10 year olds there were in the theatre watching the most child innapropriate movie I’ve ever seen that wasn’t porn. Every time something nasty went on I expected the mother 2 seats down to walk out with her 9 (?) year old son who was sitting next to me. Instead she just hollered in joy at the performance anxiety jokes or whatever. Go Canada!

But whatever. I doubt any of these kids went out and cleaved someone hand off, sniffed nasal spary to get high or encased their female classmates in glass bulbs as a result of seeing this movie, regardless of what Jack Thompson may have us believe about human willpower.

All that aside this movie was amazing. Jason Statham is a gift to movies. If you liked his mindless action Transporter series then you’ll love this one. The rest of the cast is inconsequential as they serve as dressing for Statham. Even Amy Smart has a body double in her brief nude scene which I found idiotic since we’ve seen her goodies in Road Trip.

The plot of this movie is that the main character literally can’t stop moving. Well of course this makes for a non stop action movie that never lets you take a breath. On top of that this movie is filled with completely silly comedy which centers around the aforementioned sex, drug use, stereotypes and violence. What more could you want from a great action movie?

If you’re looking for a fun time at the movies be sure to check out Crank and if you want to get in my shoes just picture a bunch of 3rd graders sitting around you.